An Exercise in Futility

Kelly's head felt like it was about to burst.  Too many things were happening all at the same time.

As she rushed to her interview, the finger she cut earlier while cooking started to bleed again.  In her hurried frenzy to prepare, she had not dressed it properly.

Pull yourself together, stupid!  She told herself.  This interview is important!

She was on her way to a middle-aged early retiree how had too much cash at her disposal.  The woman wanted to write her memoirs and Kelly was going to help her do it.  This first interview was supposed to wow the rich lady into wanting more of her, or so Kelly thought

As she was ushered into the stately home, Kelly had to stop herself from gasping.  This woman had taste and too much money.  If only she were as favored by the fates!  The hallway was dimly lit while both walls on the sides had life-sized paintings of the lady and a man.  On one side, he had an arrogant head and a stern mouth as he stood stiffly in his military uniform.  On the other wall, she was in an elegant gown leaning against the back of her chair as she cradled a little girl. 

She had a daughter?!  Funny, the lady never mentioned a daughter.

Kelly was still thinking about the paintings when she was ushered into the study.  It was also dimly lit.  The lady was sipping tea beside a window.

"Come in, dear.  Sit here by the window with me.  You can use the light from outside .  I don't want the lights on too much."  the lady told her.

Embarrassed, Kelly did her best not to show her injured finger which she hid under a kerchief.  The lady waited for her to bring out her recorder, her notebook and her pen.  Kelly didn't say a word.

"How old are you, dear?"  asked the lady.

"Twenty."

"So young.  So much ahead of you.  I was in over my head at your age.  I thought I could own the world.  I fell in love too... It seems like ages ago now."  She paused and took a sip from her tea.

Kelly thought, this is going to be easy -- I don't have to say a word!

"You know what I miss about your age?"  Kelly simply looked back at the lady.  "That giddy feeling.  That warmth you feel when some manly hand combs back the hair from your face, cradles your head and pulls you in for a long lingering kiss..."

The lady looked away to a far off memory as the sun shone on her face through the curtains.  She closed her eyes as if to savor what she remembered.

"But that's all in the past now," the lady said as she dropped her head and took another sip.

"He turned out to be just another John Doe in a list of John Doe's in my life.  They all just wanted one thing -- what that lower head demands from them.  When they've had that, even after several times of passionate ones, you're gone, used and forgotten.  You're there for their game of catch.  some will take you for a trophy, some for a collection, some would even dare think they actually love you.  Imagine that -- a man would love you or say he did, but when you look at the whole picture, he'd be married or otherwise committed just the same.

"But when you look at my list of John Doe's, you'd see I made a collection too.  It's a sad trail of naivette, foolishness and downright stupidity.  That's what I want to put in my book.  I want women all over to to know that the ideal man is a myth, Prince Charming is a fairy tale and the knight in shining armor is a legend.  As sure as I am talking to you, I am a testament of how men use women.  women who feel 'valued' are in a delusion mainly spun by the man who knows how to create that illusion.

"Remember, my dear, that long, lingering kiss is only a prelude to the pain of being tossed like some old dirty rag.  and that's exactly how you'll feel after it all -- old, dirty and used."

Kelly's mind raced.  This lady is so hung up!  How many men are we talking about here?  For her to be with many men would a testament too to her own "over-availability" to be used by them anyhow.

"I know what you're thinking,"  the lady continued, "you think I'm just letting out steam because my heart has been broken too much too often."

Kelly could only give a faint smile.  Bull's eye.

The lady chuckled, "I don't have a long list of lovers.  I've had relationships that lasted between one night and several years, mind you.  It's a mix.  Aside from me being their common denominator, another common denominator is that they all left me, one way or the other.