Slamming Down Pick-Up Lines

Some guys can be so lame when picking up a girl that they have to
resort to tacky approaches. Here are some ways of letting them know
being original and true to themselves would be much better.

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
Nope, but I see hell isn't as hot as I expected.

Are you a surgeon? Cause you've just took my heart away!
No, but I wish I were so I can give you a brain.

Have I seen you before? Oh yeah it was in the dictionary under the
word Kablam!!
And I have seen you too -- under the word Loser.

My pick-up line was published on the Internet... Would you like to hear it?
Oh? Was that the one with the porn video?

Hey gorgeous the power company is looking for you, you're so electrifying.
Oh? Mind if I zap you away?

Excuse me, but I think I dropped something!!! My jaw!!
Nah, I think the jaw just couldn't stand the lameness of the rest of you.

Bond. James Bond
(this is actually witty... I won't slam this one...yet)

I'm new in town, could I have directions to your house.
Wait right here. (Get your phone and dial 911) Hello? I'd like to
report a lost patient of the Institute for Mental health.

If you were a new hamburger at McDonald's, you would be McGorgeous.
And you'd be McLame.

There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.
Lemme get my knife and carve them off then.

Was your father a thief? 'Cause someone stole the stars from the sky
and put them in your eyes.
Nope, he's Hannibal Lecter.

Do you have a map? I just keep on getting lost in your eyes.
Don't look now but you're on the train tracks. Honk, honk.

You: Can I borrow a quarter?
She: why? ( if she says sure or something else get her to ask you why)
You: so I can call my mom and tell her I just met the girl of my
dreams. (have something quick to say
afterwards)
She: Believe me, it's a nightmare.

I can't wait until tomorrow.
She replies, why not.
You say, because you look better everyday.
She replies, it's time for that court order then. Five hundred feet
instead of fifty would be just fine.

Are you tired? Cause you've been running through my mind all day!
Why don't you run along before I start trampling you then.

If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together!
OH, if I could re-arrange it, U would be preceding D-I-E.

I must be in heaven because I've seen an angel.
Angel of Death, dear.

Be unique and different; say yes.
Be original and heed my warning: Go away.

If I had a rose for every time I thought of you, I'd be walking in my
garden forever.
And you'd be bleeding with the thorns.

I'm sorry, were you talking to me? No? Oh well then, please start.
No thank you.

You look so good, when I saw you I almost had a hard attack.
Nah, it's not your time yet.

Excuse me, do you have a band-aid? I scraped my knee when I fell for you.
Do I look like the paramedics to you?

I'm not drunk, I'm just intoxicated by you.
Don't worry, I'll as Bub the bouncer to drive you home.

I'm feeling a little off today. Would you mind turning me on?
Would you mind turning away instead?

As she's leaving....Hey aren't you forgetting something?
She: What?
Me!
She: Oh a lost puppy! Waiter, could you call the pound please?

Damn, I thought "very-fine" only came in a bottle!
And I thought "very dumb" only came with report cards.

Didn't I used to always pull on your ponytail in grammar school?
You went to an exclusive school for girls?

Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
Why don't you try walking away instead?

Do you have the time?
[Gives the time]
No, the time to write down my number?
Oh, I'm sorry but I only have time to get away from you.

Do you mind if I stare at you up close instead of from across the room?
Yes.

Does your boyfriend know where you are?
No, but I know he's still locked up.

Excuse me, do you think you might possibly have a mutual friend who
could introduce us.
Nah, I have good taste in friends and they're loyal to me.

Excuse me, I'm looking for a friend...do you want to be my friend?
Only if you liked Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction.

Hi there! Do you want to see something really swell? Hi!
Oh, now, can you roll over and play dead?

Hi, are you here to meet a nice man or will I do?
Mwahahahahahahah!

Hi, how are you? Hi, I just wanted to give you the satisfaction of
turning me down; go
ahead say no.
Thank you.

Hi, I'm a fashion photographer. Would you like to be in my next photo shoot?
Can I bring my weapons? I like the way the chainsaw makes spatters.

Hi, my name is {name}, how do you like me so far?
(This is actually good.)

I have had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see
a pretty girl smile.
So, would you smile for me?
(Give a perfunctory Smile) Now, can you go away?

I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away!
Why don't we see what happens when they take you away.

I just wanted to show this rose how incredibly beautiful you are!!
Oh you talk to plants. Do you talk to the walls too?

I seemed to have lost my way, would you mind taking me with you.
Yes, I'd mind.

I'm the kind of man who deserves to have women I don't deserve.
Poor woman.

Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?
Nope, it's mine trying to get away from you.

Oh my sweet darling! For a moment, I thought I had died and gone to
heaven. Now I see that I am very much alive, and heaven has been
brought to me.
Well then, sorry to disappoint you but your hell is about to start.

Overheard in our computer lab: Just because your computers are
incompatible, doesn't mean we are.
Oh yes, it does.

Pardon me miss, I seem to have lost my phone number, could I borrow
yours?
Nope. Cheapskate.

Say, did we go to different schools together?
Say, can we just stay apart?

Was you father an alien? Because there's nothing else like you on
earth!
Cause you'd find me in hell and in your nightmares.

Were you just smiling at me from across the room, or do I have my
contacts in wrong?
Oh I was smiling at that yummy girl beside you.

What's a nice girl like you doing talking to a loser like me?
Trying to end the conversation swiftly.

You are the only reason why I came in here alone.
Good, I wouldn't want witnesses either. You want the gun or a knife?

You see my friend over there? (Point to friend who sheepishly waves
from afar) He wants to know if you think I'm cute.
Tell him I don't.